WE TRIED TRANSLATIONS

Translator/Editor: Ryuu

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◈ I'm an Infinite Regressor, But I've Got Stories to Tell

Chapter 15

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Internationalist Ⅰ

There is hardly anything as crucial as one's mental state.

This has already been emphasized in the anecdotes of Old Man Scho. Even if one knows how to slice the heavens with a single sword, once the mental state collapses, there are no answers.

I, the Undertaker, have also poured my heart into mental management.

My unique method of management goes as follows:

For about 100 years, corresponding to 5 to 7 cycles, I work diligently. I rush about to prevent the destruction of the world.

Then, for the next cycle, I enjoy life.

"World destruction? Why should I care?" I simply abandon such thoughts.

I turn away from the lives I could save. I don't step into the fates I could change. I prioritize only my life, my peace, and my fun.

For about 20 years in one cycle, I completely use it to heal my mental state, enjoying a pleasant vacation.

A brief deviation from the main storyline, a sort of side story, if you will.

Even if I'm criticized as a coward, it can't be helped. There's a limit to a human's mental state.

If I hadn't employed such a method, I wouldn't have been able to endure the long life of a returnee that reached 1183 cycles.

Just in time, the 90th cycle was exactly a 'vacation cycle.'

It was truly good timing. Even if only to grasp my mental state, which had been blown away to Mars by Go Yuri , a rest was absolutely necessary.

"So I want to ask your opinion. How should I rest to earn lavish praise for resting spectacularly well?"

"Why are you asking me that..."

The fairy trembled in my grasp.

It was the Tutorial Fairy.

If it had been a normal cycle, I might have quickly dispatched Seo Gyu before eliminating him.

But this 90th cycle was, so to speak, a sabbatical. It was fine to act however my heart's compass pointed.

Well, since I had confined the fairies in a group during the last 89th cycle and made them participate in a hellish survival program, some old grudges had been somewhat washed away... Anyway.

I captured the Tutorial Fairy and dragged her to one side of the hall.

At first, the fairy resisted, but after folding her elf ears twice to make them half-elf ears, she became much quieter.

"No, I'm just asking. It's because I've hardly ever had a serious conversation with you before."

"Hoek. Why is there such a lunatic in my assigned area... Fairy number 264 is the most unnecessary fairy in the universe..."

"Ah, a person who tries to blow up civilian heads without hesitation, what is there to be unhappy about?"

"But, but, if we can't make people understand that this is no joke, it will lead to much greater harm and tragedy, you know? From a utilitarian perspective, my response is not wrong."

"So you were a utilitarian."

I realized something new.

This too, was the charm of regression.

"Anyway, tell me about your holiday. You fairies are all mortgaged lives to the Fairy King, aren't you? You must think all the time that you'd have no wishes left if you just got to take a holiday."

"Huieek? H-How can I!"

The fairy was startled in my grasp.

"Hey! Surely you're not talking about the notorious RePoRe[1]?"

"RePoRe?"

"Regression, possession, reincarnation! Damned protagonists! Including prophecy ability users as an exam question variant! In our literature, you fairies are treated like early-stage mobs!"

"Oh. Do such RePoRe people actually exist in the fairy realm?"

"No? They just frequently appear in classic fairy literature."

So it was something special between Old Man Scho and me.

Hoping there might be others, I felt a bit deflated.

"Is that so. Anyway, don't worry about it. You're not really antagonizing the Fairy King. You just need to give advice on the 20-year vacation plan. If it's not satisfactory, I'll turn your head into fairy juice."

"Hiieeek! Horrible wording! I'm confident enough to sue the Fairy Rights Commission and win!"

"There's no such thing on Earth."

"What a barbaric civilization..."

In the end, Fairy number 264 raised a white flag.

"Um, um. Anyway, you're saying I've been given 20 years of free time? And you're feeling like going a bit wild during that period?"

"Yes."

Then the fairy made a determined face.

"If fairy number 264 were given freedom and as much power as you, I'd like to plunge a spear of revolution into the belly of the Fairy King!"

"......"

A utilitarian and a revolutionary fighter, I realized.

This too, was the charm of regression... I'm not quite sure.

I'll mention it later, but in fact, the fairies were divided into republicans and royalists.

Well, that wasn't important right now.

"Plunge a spear? How? Isn't your heart rigged with an explosion engraving? If you rebel against the Fairy King, your heart would burst immediately and your body would melt."

"Oh, how did you know that... Um, no. If you already knew that, it would make the conversation easier. Anyway! The Fairy King is much more terrible than the bourgeoisie! Even if it costs fairy number 264 her heart bursting, the Fairy King must be overthrown for the progress of history and the innovation of civilization!"

The fairy flapped her arms.

"Humans! Although physically primitive and weak, you've achieved commendable linear progress spiritually! Having encountered the history that your ancestors beheaded absolute monarchs hundreds of years ago, fairy number 264, no, all of us [Fairy Revolution Club] were deeply impressed!"

There was such a club.

"Unfortunately, our fairy society is in a desperate situation unlikely to save itself... But if you, a strong human, help us, salvation through external force might be possible! Human! Join us and help until the flag is fluttering in the Fairy King's navel!"

If this had been a game, a 'ding' notification would have sounded, and the message 'A new route has been unlocked. Will you help the fairies achieve revolution?' would have appeared.

"Hmm."

I was intrigued.

I had once fought against the Fairy King. This time, I would recreate that episode, not alone, but with a fairy coalition.

But I shook my head.

"Sorry, but I must decline that offer."

"What...? Why, human!"

"Right now, I'm a bit worn out, so combat routes aren't appealing. I'm rather drawn to support routes.

What I need is a warm cup of coffee as a lonely urban man, not the tears and blood of a revolutionary waving a red flag and charging towards victory."

"What a petty bourgeois thought! Even now, fairies are killing humans under the evil orders of the King, despite not wanting to! Do you not see or hear the blood, sweat, and tears of your kin? Aren't you afraid of Marx's rebuke?"

"I'm sorry, but my country fundamentally has anti-communism embedded in the national spirit..."

"Capitalist dog! Traitor of the people! I shall curse you!"

"However, I might consider hiring just you separately."

"I swear eternal loyalty, master."

Of course, around cycle 210, I actually did become a guest member of the [Fairy Revolution Club] and sparked the beginning of the revolution, but that's another cycle's story.

I succeeded in employing the Tutorial Fairy.

“Uh, there… hyung?”

Ah. Right.

By the way, Seo Gyu had been eavesdropping on our conversation the whole time. After all, I had saved him from his head almost exploding due to the fairy.

For some reason, Seo Gyu looked at me as if he was looking at a madman.

“What should I do from now on…?”

“Your ability is to operate an internet community, and anyone who is an Awakener can access this community even without a network.”

“Huh?”

“I think 'SG Net' would be a good name for the community. Good luck.”

“Huh?”

I parted ways with Seo Gyu.

I then farmed some Silver Bells at a souvenir shop and piggybacked the fairy. I could feel the fairy tilting her head in confusion behind me.

“But what are you planning to use me for after hiring me, human master? World domination? Revolution? Dictatorship? Are you planning to ‘ice pick’ me? After succeeding in a revolution in your own country, do you plan to export the overly credited second-in-command under the pretext of internationalism?”

I have no idea what kind of distorted materials fairy number 264 had researched about Earth to have such skewed prejudices.

But as the fairy said, I am indeed a dog of capitalism.

I was thinking of dipping my toes into the forefront of modern consumer culture.

“No.”

“Then?”

“We're going to open a convenience store.”

24-hour convenience store.

Before the Gate catastrophe, it was a small shop that could be easily found in Korea.

Though it didn't evoke nostalgia as much as the neighborhood corner shops did, in a world where destruction was accelerating, convenience stores would proudly be listed as ‘items of nostalgia’.

-Youngest, go to the convenience store and buy some Dunhill.

-Huh?

It was a common joke used by Awakeners to tease the youngest.

Based on my regression experiences, surprisingly many saints did not discard their wallets even when the value of money collapsed.

Especially those who used to only use debit cards found themselves carrying cash after civilization collapsed— partly because the cards had stopped working, but also because to them, money was like a talisman. 

A stubborn belief that the world hadn’t yet ended. Or a hope that it wouldn't.

It was quite a strange thing, but when multinationals Awakeners gathered to carry out operations, there was even a custom of exchanging currencies from their respective countries. Koreans exchanged won, Americans exchanged dollars, like soccer players swapping jerseys after a match.

Thus, at one time, more than 30 types of bills had been collected in my wallet.

Why am I saying this all of a sudden?

To emphasize the point that in a world heading towards destruction, people not only hold on to money but also assign tremendous value to ‘memories.’

“We are going to create the only convenience store in the world that operates normally.”

“Hoeh.”

An ambition full of grandeur!

I forcibly occupied a convenience store in Seoul (the owner had fled anyway) and proclaimed it, the same convenience store where I first met the fairy.

Hearing my plan, as heart-stirring as conquering the world itself, fairy number 264, no, our Store Employee number 1, blinked.

“What kind of dog-eating-grass talk is that?”

“What’s dog grass?”

“If I had to choose the most appropriate term on Earth, it would be ‘puppy.’”

Ah, it was nonsense.

But I am someone who has lived life nearly 100 times. I have become skilled at persuading others.

“264, there is a major flaw in your world revolution theory.”

“Hoek?”

“The world is wide and filled with many people. Going to each person and asking them to join the cause of revolution is what novices do.”

I declared solemnly,

“A true master doesn't seek out people. He makes them come to him.”

“...!”

“We will create a convenience store that the workers of all nations will visit on their own. This place will be the revolutionary base of the Sixth International! You are the first flag of this avant-garde, and our proud store clerk. The rise and fall of our International depends on how earnestly you serve the customers.”

“Comrade Manager...!”

The fairy lay on the floor of the store, still not fully cleaned, and shed tears the size of chicken droppings. Her tears smelled of flowers, making the store suddenly sweet.

We'll save on air fresheners.

“I had greatly misunderstood you, Comrade Manager! I swear eternal loyalty!”

“Good. As this is a business for the revolution, I hope you’ll commit to 365 days of unpaid work managing customer service at the headquarters.”

“Yes! Unpaid!”

Though fairy number 264 had merely switched from being a slave to the Fairy King to my slave, she seemed happy.

Isn’t that what matters?

I stole a political banner from a nearby intersection.

I flipped the banner upside down and, with painting skills akin to calligraphy, wrote the letters.

Then I hung it in front of the store.

[Our store is operating normally.]

It was a historic moment when ‘The Sixth International,’ humanity’s last convenience store, opened at the Jamsu Bridge in Seoul.

Footnotes:

[1] A play of word using the letters used in regressor, possessor and reincarnator since these genres are so oversaturated in Korea.

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